What is the difference between praying and losing your faith? If we don’t pray, it’s like we have given up. By being persistent in prayer, we are demonstrating our faith in God and putting our trust in His timing of answering our prayers. If we give up on praying, we give up on hope. We can’t do that! We need to continue to go to God with our needs, just as any child would run to their parent, God is our loving Father and He wants to comfort us.
When my cancer metastasized, my doctor had given me all of the statistics of women in my situation. She told me that I would never be cancer free again but she gave me a lot of hope by telling me that there are new drugs becoming available and my quality of life could remain at an optimal level. Which it has!
I set it in my head that I would live with stage IV cancer for as long as God needed me to do His will here on earth. I believed that I was to be an example to others so I didn’t give much thought to pray to be cancer free. That may surprise you and I think it may have offended some who have been praying fervently for me to be cured. They may have felt that I had given up hope. I HAVE NOT!
I have given up being in control of my life (I’m still praying for this!) I pray that I am able to accept His will for me- whatever that look like. But I hadn’t actually prayed the words, “Heal me,” or “Cure me.”
Until last weekend.
At the women’s retreat, we have a beautiful tradition of sitting in the Presence of Christ, exposed in the Monstrance, with a pure, white cloth wrapped around it and draping over the altar table. The cloth represents His cloak that was touched by the hemorrhaging woman and was instantly healed.
As I knelt before Jesus, I looked at Him with grateful eyes and the words that filled my heart surprised me. “Jesus, I am open to being cured. If it is Your will, I accept Your healing.” Tears filled my eyes and my heart was pounding as I gently took hold of the white cloth. I placed my face into it and for the first time, I believed my faith had the ability to heal me, just as the hemorrhaging woman’s faith was what healed her.
Time stood still. I would go from looking up at Jesus and bowing my head in honor of Him. I have no idea how long I was kneeling before Him before I realized where I was.
As powerful as that moment was for me, the peace and acceptance of His will hasn’t changed. I have added to my daily prayers to be open to being healed; yet the bigger picture is that my trust in God’s plan for me remains strong